"We are on the same team. I am not your enemy," my husband gently reminded me. From the beginning, he emphasized that we were embarking on our parenting journey together. As he prepared to return to work after our baby girl was born, leaving me to stay home with her, he reassured me that we would remain a team despite the physical distance during the day.
During the initial weeks after our daughter's birth, I struggled with postpartum depression and anxiety. My husband became the backbone of our team, offering unwavering support through a challenging period. I was well aware of how hard he worked, both inside and outside our home, but I found myself momentarily blinded to it. I became snappier and more irritable, interpreting any differing perspective as an attack. Slowly, resentment built up, leading me to adopt an ugly attitude – "I'm the parent who knows best. I'm the default parent. You're just here to support ME." This mindset strained our relationship and was not fair to my husband.
One night, after our daughter went to bed, my husband sat me down to address this issue. Our conversation lead to a breakthrough, allowing me to see my husband as an equal partner in our parenting journey rather than merely a sidekick in my motherhood journey. Once again, I viewed my husband as my teammate.
In a team, each member has designated roles that demand strong communication for success. These roles, although different, are equally vital – one cannot succeed without the support of the other. Resentment had blinded me to the fact that unique roles in our household didn't make us competitors. Instead, they strengthened our family. I recognized that my husband wasn't a bad "teammate" for not knowing where extra burp cloths were; I was a bad teammate for not acknowledging his strengths and value. I also realized I was being a metaphorical "ball hog" with our daughter, convincing myself that everything hinged on me being needed every second of every day for things to run "smoothly." This narrative was unhealthy.
So, what changed in the months following our heart-to-heart? I changed. I began to see and appreciate my husband's contributions to our family. I accepted that, while we had different responsibilities, they were equally important to our family's success. Embracing my unique role at home, I acknowledged that my previous issues weren't with my husband – he wasn't letting me down or being unsupportive. My struggle was recognizing the value in my own role as a stay-at-home mom, and home-maker. As I embraced and took pride in my work, I found more fulfillment in my day-to-day experiences. Today, as I write this, I am in a place of personal peace, doing the work I believe God has called me to do. I also enjoy a stronger, more peaceful relationship with my husband now that I have let go of past resentments.
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