Momma, you are capable of extraordinary things, but that doesn't obligate you to working in solitude. You juggle a multitude of responsibilities, from caring for your family to managing your home, all while running on minimal sleep. Yet, despite your superhero capabilities, there's no need to shoulder it all alone.
My husband will often check in with me while I'm handling parenting duties solo, asking, "Do you need me?". While I appreciate the check in, I struggle with this question. In my mind, I should only seek out his help at my breaking points. But why let it get that far? Why not lean on the loving support of a partner willing to share the load? My reasons for trying to handle things myself stem from pride and a desire for control.
I accepted all kinds of support when Sophia was a newborn, recognizing the benefits for both myself and my baby. Living on my parent's property provides additional support day to day, but my experience solo parenting without family around instilled in me a sense of self-reliance, that now makes asking for help feel like a weakness. I consistently remind myself that we weren't meant to parent alone, and that it takes a village. Sophia deserves a mother who fosters a supportive village in order to raise her in a happy, loving, stable home. Another important fact that I remind myself is that Sophia is my husband's daughter as well. He deserves the chance to father, and know how much our family needs him, rather than experience me monopolizing parenting duties and insisting I can do it all by myself.
Beyond my pride, my need for control hinders me from seeking or accepting support. For example, changing our weekend routine to allow me to have extra rest was initially difficult. I genuinely enjoy waking up with Sophia. She is my little love, and it's so special to be greeted by her snuggles and smiles in the morning. We also have a whole morning routine together, and I thrive off of the consistency. Even so, I decided it was best to be more flexible and allow myself at least one day a week to sleep in. My husband is fully capable of waking up, getting Sophia dressed and fed, and playing with her, without my direction. Recognizing this was a crucial step in me accepting more and more support.
I am incredibly blessed to have a loving and supportive husband, and to live with family. They are my immediate village. Furthermore, my circle of mom friends provides additional support, allowing us to share experiences, offer comfort, and navigate parenthood together. Regular visits to my friend's home gives both moms and kids a break in a way. It allows for our toddlers to socialize, play, and learn together, while giving us moms a chance to connect and not have to parent alone. If you are a single mom, or live away from your family, you can still find support. I implore you to find your village so that you don't have to shoulder the weight of mothering in solitude.
The bottom line? While you possess superhero abilities, embracing support doesn't diminish your strength. You don't have to navigate parenthood alone. Seeking and accepting help is a sign of wisdom, not weakness. Embrace your village- it's essential for your well-being and your baby's.
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