Becoming a mother is often depicted as a joyous and magical experience, but the reality can be far more complex. According to statistics, 1 in 7 women grapple with perinatal mood disorders, a category that includes postpartum depression and anxiety. I am one of those women, and I hope that by breaking the silence and sharing my story, I can let other women know they are not alone. I first shared my story via my “Motherhood + Mindfulness” series on social media. Now, I am sharing it in a new way.
My postpartum experience was far from the blissful picture society paints. I struggled bonding with my baby girl, and felt so guilty about the distance I felt between us. I wasn’t overwhelmed with joy, I was overwhelmed with an identity shift and seeing what it meant to truly be needed by someone 24/7. I was suffering from PPD with symptoms such as trouble bonding with my baby, guilt, deep sadness, feelings of hopelessness, dissociative episodes, and was riddled with anxiety. Mindfulness is being able to acknowledge and accept one’s thoughts, feelings, and physical sensations at any given moment, without judgement. It was easy for me to acknowledge how I was feeling. I knew that I wasn’t myself and that something needed to change. However, it was challenging to accept my situation, especially without passing judgement. Even though I was scared and ashamed, I confided in my husband the way I was feeling towards our baby and about becoming a mother. Seeking professional help was pivotal—I spoke openly with my doctor and made the decision to resume the antidepressant medication I had been on before pregnancy.
Mindfulness played a crucial role in my recovery. Once I was able to come out of my denial and face my mental health struggles, and start processing the trauma of my birth story and postpartum experience, I could begin healing. By embracing mindfulness techniques, I found a way to be present in the moment, letting go of judgment and self-criticism. Mindfulness allowed me to observe my thoughts without attachment, fostering a compassionate understanding of my struggles.
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